i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dignity is for republicans.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
