I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
