matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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