Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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