My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
