it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
