I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
