And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm bleeding and have questions
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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