I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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