so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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