kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
