I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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