at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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