you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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