why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It's just like the Real World with babies
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
