Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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