I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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