Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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