We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
