meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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