At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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