So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
