Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
