please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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