It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
