So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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