So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
