I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
