I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
