there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
