I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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