every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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