I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Acid is not a monday night drug
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
