I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
