They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
