Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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