My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he puts the penis in happiness.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
