The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
