I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
