All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
