So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
