i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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