She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
