Yo dont text me then not text me
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
