doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
