he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
