Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
