Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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