I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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