Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
