this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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