I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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