Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
