I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
