dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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