so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
how drunk are you?
Several
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
