I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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