That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
