How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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