i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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