Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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