Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
