My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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