how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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