i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
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Dangr zzzzzzzzone
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
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I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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