Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
