btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
