girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
