I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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