Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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