he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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