Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
