somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You can't motorboat a personality
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
A+ Viking dick
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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