It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
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You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
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Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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