Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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